All Children Left Behind

Week 6 begins.

Sometimes I really, really, REALLY want to quit. It's hard. I'm tired. It's only mildly rewarding. And everything seems to be working against me and my children.

I knew it would be hard...but it is almost impossible to comprehend how hard all of this is. It's also very isolating to be in Gary and without any other TFA people at my school. I feel like a little, lost soul hanging out in the dunes.

We started state standardized testing today Right, the state in which I teach is ridiculous and has its state test in the fall. I don't know. We've been reviewing (aka learning for the first time) for the past 5 weeks. I have been working hard to get my kids as ready as they can for this test. On Thursday, at team level meeting they told us we would begin testing on Tuesday and test through Friday. Great, great. So, I planned some realaxation techniques, last minute test-taking strategies and an expert/novice activity to review for the test. Well, when I got into work today, I found out that 7th and 8th grades were starting TODAY. Yes. I had told my students Tuesday. I had not seen the materials. In fact, I wouldn't have known we were testing today if not for another teacher telling me. They made no announcement. My kids came in today ready to go to P.E. and found out they had to take two tests this morning. They were fucking pissed, and I didn't blame them. I was pissed. I hadn't brought in food, or soft music, or games--all the things I planned to do later in the week.

THEN, to make things worse, the administration came around with Reeses and Hershey bars before the first test. As if the students needed empty calories/sugar in the morning before testing. I was even more fucking pissed.

THEN, to make things even worse, the testing schedule looks like it was set-up by people who want our kids to fail. Really. Tomorrow they are testing from 9 a.m. to 2:40 p.m. Yes, there is an hour break, but like that fucking helps. To make things worse, the morning tests are BOTH of the essay tests. In the afternoon, they take the math tests. Yes. So, by the time my kids take the math test, they will probably be tired and burned out It's a lot of testing, especially when you're failing.

The only good thing about this is that for the rest of the year, we can just focus on LEARNING and meeting our mastery goals. I want these kids to be ready for high school. They have such big goals...but how are they supposed to achieve them without knowing basic math? If only I could find a good way to convey this to them and invest them in our math class better.



I really hate feeling incompetent. Every single day, I feel like I am grasping for something that is always out of reach. There are good moments, good class periods, even good days, but they are becoming rarer. And now I've started my own classes.

On the plus side, my 8th graders loved my new shoes today. I was very raw, apparently. I assume that is good.
Also, Michael Jordan is one of my favorite motivational speakers/philosophers.